UNITRICYCLE with stabiliser. Suit beginner
PO BOX 34

FLAME RETARDENT FISH Suit japanese barbecue enthusiast. No time wasters.
Box 54 Battle

COLLECTOR seeks Wombat-related items. Best prices paid. Also anything Italian.
PO BOX 377

CHILDREN'S PARTIES Uncle Stanley is due for release on 15th July. Booking now-
Uncle Stanley Ward 9, Broadmoor

STUFFED ANIMALS We are currently stocking the following taxidermatised creatures: marmosets (3 left), axlotl (plenty in stock), fallow deer, giant galapogos turtles (de-shelled), Zimmermann's Gazelle with pursuing jaguar (1 only). Please make cheque or PO payable to: Static Beasts, Hut 34, M'Bibwi Industrial Estate, Kenya

GARAGE SALE Many useless items including tat, rubbish and tasteless objects. Mrs. Anthrax will be serving weak tea and scones made from iron filings in the refreshment shed. Come early to ensure disappointment! St. Botolph's Unorthodox Episcopalian Chapel, Wadhurst

CRUSHER KIT crush voles, budgerigars etc with the small device, or buy both and crush a whole range of animals. Now goats, sheep, even small horses can be easily crushed with little effort. Thanks to it's revolutionary design, The Crusher™  fits easily into pocket or handbag. Small Crusher £3.99 Large Crusher £5.99 Both ££8.99. PO BOX 427

RAILWAY ENTHUSIASTS Come along to the Bruce Forsyth Community Centre at Crowhurst from July 30th-Aug 15th when Ted Mallard will be exhibiting his sleeper collection. Illustrated catalogue available.

STUPID BOY WANTED No experience necessary. Ideal time waster or layabout

MOVIE POSTER Silence of the Lamps-sensible offers only PO BOX 53 See this item

NO TIME wasters please! Telephone 07778 553361

CONVENTION (GENEVA) Some pages missing hence £5 gwb@whitehouse.com

NOVELTY ITEMS all in stock: Wobbly lady, Rubber teeth, harmless bacteria, bottomless watering cans, exploding plums, amusing pants, x-ray penis, joke lawnmower, cat dandruff plus many many more. terrific fun for all ages. Send SAE for free list + surprise joke parachute harness to: NOVELTAT Inc, Freefall, Nevada

WALLPAPER Beautiful Malmberg & Plano velvet finish anaglypta in Niagra grey with mahogony stripe, approx 15 rolls. Cost new over £700. Used once only. Still on wall, hence £5. No time wasters.

WAR PLAN Hardly used. Doesn't work very well, hence £5. Also Road map of Peace See this item. Offers. D.Rumsfeld, Pentagon USA

RARE MAGAZINE COLLECTORS! • PRACTICAL SPOONS MAGAZINE  issue no.001 November 1939. Mint condition.
Sensible offers only.  see this item  
also COOL SHADES MAGAZINE final issue! (no. 02) Mint £25 ono see this item  
PO Box 19. Upper Dicker

BOOK SALE
Legend of the Dark Spoons by Hugh Jaarce (1st edition slightly foxed) £35 Tintin & the Belgian Eels by Hergé. Very Rare Walloon edition(mint) £253.75
Cheer up it's only a Shoe (English translation) by José Tonto Guacamole.
Page 42 missing hence £5 ono

DINING TABLE seats 10. Antique mahogony drop leaf dining table circa 1808 with mother of pearl inlaid maple top depicting Alexander at the fall of Carthage. Carved lion's foot legs and polished brass fastenings. Scene of grusome murder hence £5 ono. Lower Dicker 353

ROCKING HORSE MANURE urgently required by collector. Best prices paid for Otter stools, Jersey cowpats, coypu droppings.
Also have rare S.American armadillo pupu for sale (offers over £75pp) + many other scarce faeces. SAE for list and free surprise sample to ANIMAL CRAP PO BOX 37, KNEUGH, SURREY

TROUSERS Worsted trews, golf trousers, pinstripe studebaker ,with sewn-in sandbags, gopher pants, luminous bellbottoms, flapdoodles, parachute trousers with absorbent arse, croquet knickers, French ham trousers (100% ham), judge's breeches with wig pocket, saxophone overalls with extra fly. All in stock or visit our website on www.trouserama.kek.uk

OLD stuff. Some very old. £3,000 ono. No time wasters please.

FOR SALE Small toy water pistol, plastic. Can be re-activated for athletics meetings, bank robberies, drive-by shootings etc. BOX 66 TheLyer

WANTED Pair of WW2 goatskin swimming goggles, any condition, best price paid up to £50 or swap for Michael Jackson horror mask. PO Box 695

BANISH Unsightly knees. Cream £2.99 surgical trousers £17.99 + VAT. Cheque or PO to Kneegon, Box 99, Liverpool 8

WORRIED? Have your goldfish tattooed with your name and address. Send PO with fish to: SECURIFISH, PO BOX 977. THE LYER

FOR SALE Large antique washbasin c1880. Still has original water with bits of whisker and toothpaste spit. £375 ono. No time wasters Please. PO Box 329

BUDGIES Blue or green cocks, yellow bills. Also some Golden Eagles.
PO BOX 455 The Lyer

BARGAIN German super strength condoms. Used once only, but knots difficult to untie hence £5. No time wasters. BOX 448